Epitaph
by Nell Vance
Summary: In a Roman motel, a woman checks into her room, but never checks out. What she leaves behind is her journal and a forwarding address, Edward Cullen. Someone named Bella Swan is desperate to tell him how she died.
1. Prologue

**Author's Note: **This is an AU fic. It will contain both canon pairings (Bella/Edward) and a few non-canon ones (see if you can guess which they are!). The story will be told through journal entries, somewhat akin to Dracula's format. Reviews = love, so please don't forget to leave feedback!

**Summary: **In a Roman motel, a woman checks into her room, but never checks out. What she leaves behind is her journal and a forwarding address, Edward Cullen. Someone named Bella Swan is desperate to tell him how she died.

**Disclaimer: **I claim no ownership of Stephanie Meyer's work.

**Epitaph **

**Prologue**

_On a rainy day in September, Sabato Conti, proprietor of a small motel in a suburb of Rome, went to evict one of his guests. The woman had showed up in the main office three nights ago and gave him the name Gianni upon checking in._

_Sabato thought she might be a whore (or a drug addict, at the very least) judging from the way "Gianni" shook as she took her room key from him. When later questioned by the police, he confessed to remembering little about her, except her eyes._

_They were exceptionally bruised, he said. As if someone had shown her the wrong side of a fist. _

_Sabato heard nothing from his young guest throughout her entire stay. He did not see her leave, nor did he see anyone enter her room. The cleaning lady also attested to the same._

_When Gianni failed to check out three days later, Sabato took his ring of keys and went to pay her a visit._

_She'd have to pay up or get out. The last of the summer tourists were eager to book rooms and he had no use for freeloaders._

_At roughly half past nine in the morning, Sabato entered Room 32B._

_It was empty._

_The bed, he noted, was made. In fact, it seemed as if no one had slept in it at all. And, as the cleaning lady would later add, she had not been in the room herself for a week._

_In the bathroom, Sabato found the rolls of toilet paper untouched and the complimentary soups still in their wax wrappings. He began to think that perhaps this Gianni hadn't ever entered her room, but then he found that the drawer to the nightstand had been left upon._

_Inside, on top of a copy of the Bible and a "Visitor's Guide to Rome", he found a stack of papers. The edges of the manuscript were ragged, having been torn from a journal and hastily assembled into a packet. On the very top sheet was a sticky note which read, in Italian…_

_Please Forward to…_

_EDWARD CULLEN_

_33 WHISPERING LANE_

_FORKS, WASHINGTON, USA_

_In the inquiry that followed, Sabato denied any familiarity with the documents. However, his story soon fell apart when the police continued to question him._

_If he didn't read the letters, then how did he know to call the police?_

_Sabato was trapped in his own lie. After an hour long interview with the head inspector, he broke down and told them he had read the first letter only._

_And when the inspector asked him what it had said, Sabato was able to recount it, word for word…_

I'm sorry, Edward. I'm sorry for what I've done. I know you'll never forgive me. And believe me, I don't deserve your pity. I just…I just want you to know what happened.

It was my fault. Yes, my fault. I've done terrible, terrible things. And I'm not ashamed. God, I'm not ashamed.

But I am scared.

I wasn't very smart about things. Stubborn, really. You knew that. You knew I should have listened to you, to Alice. You knew I shouldn't have let Aro turn me.

I'm sorry.

But it wasn't mistake.

I'm glad it happened this way. I'm glad I went to Volterra after you. Because I met him.

Aro.

You wanted to kill him, I know. You tried to. You knew what he did to me.

I hurt you that day.

Do you remember when we were standing there, the three of us and Aro took my hand to hear my thoughts?

It was then, Edward, it was then that I fell…

No one caught me.

And, if Aro had sensed it, if he had been able to read my mind, I don't think he would have turned me.

But I would have begged him to.

I'm sorry I made you leave me there. It was for the best. You're safe and so is Alice. And it doesn't matter what happens to me.

They're going to kill me, Edward. They're going to have me drawn and quartered and burnt alive.

But not before they let Jane have me.

I miss my Mom and Dad. They'll never forgive me either, I suppose. Please…don't tell them what's happened to me. Don't tell them that their daughter became a demon. They're innocent, they always have been. And so are you, Edward.

I'm sorry.

Don't ever come to Volterra, Edward. God help me. Don't ever come here again.

But I need to tell you what happened. So that maybe you'll understand. Or perhaps, even I'll understand. Why I did this to myself…why…

I joined the guard because I wanted to be close to him. I stayed because I loved the power.

But Edward, you knew he was mated. You told me that. You laughed at me and I hated you for it.

I still hate you for it, but no more than I hate myself.

He'll never love me like you did.

I miss Forks sometimes. Miss my old banged up Chevy and Jacob.

But don't tell him what I did, either. He'd be heartbroken…

I'm a narcissist, you see. I lied to myself. Nobody cares about me anymore. And that's a good thing.

I'd hate to be missed.

This is what I did, Edward. I hurt people. So many people. I hurt Felix and Alec. I tried to hurt Sulpicia.

She is strong. Too strong. And I was foolish. Newborns usually are, I guess. I think she knew that first day I came to Volterra, knew not to trust me.

She wants revenge now. And she'll have it. It's the only way she'll be appeased…by bathing in my phantom blood.

But she can't be blamed. I would have done the same to her.

It only wounds me because I know Aro won't save me. He doesn't care. He never did.

I shouldn't have dragged you into this, Edward. I'm sorry. So sorry. But I want you to read this. I want someone to know…know what happened.

Don't let me become ash.

I can't….too late. It's too late now, Edward, darling, darling Edward. They're here.

I'm sorry….

Bella Swan


	2. Chapter One

**Author's Note: **I'd like to thank those who took the time to read/review/favorite the prologue. Your support and encouragement is greatly appreciated. If you have the time, please leave a review for this chapter. I am quite new to the Twilight fandom and I would love to hear what you think.

**Disclaimer: **I claim no ownership of Stephanie Meyer's work.

**Chapter One**

_The following has been taken from the personal journal of Isabella Swan. Although the entry is not dated, the events detailed are generally believed to have taken place between Monday March 20__th__, 2006 and April 1st._

I used to have this dream when I was young. It was one of those strange dreams, not quite a nightmare, not fully a fantasy. I remember only bits and pieces of it now, but it remains as a stain on my subconscious. A thought that I can't quite reach.

In quiet moments, I remember standing on a terrace, being threatened by a wind fierce enough to dash me on the rocks below.

I remember a decaying palace, with red walls eroded by sand and too many tears.

I remember a great room, musty with the smell of time. And an impenetrable darkness that presses my last breath from me.

I never told you about that dream, Edward. Maybe I should have. Or maybe I should have whispered it to Alice while we were on our way to Volterra. It seems important now.

But maybe its not. Maybe it means nothing.

You always wanted to know what I was thinking that day when I ran after you in the Palazzo dei Priori. Well, there you go. Are you surprised? Disappointed? Do you even care?

Probably not.

I can recall pushing you back into the shadows, away from the reaching sunlight and thinking, this is it, the impenetrable darkness and it will soon swallow me whole.

But none of us knew what was to come.

Not even Alice. She told me Volterra was dangerous. She told me we might not make it out alive.

I didn't believe her.

I have to admit, I wasn't entirely impressed with the Volturi Guard when I first met them. Felix reminded me too much of Emmett…he still does…and Demetri had the appearance of a nervous cat. It was only Jane that got under my skin the first time. I didn't understand what she was then, what she was capable of. Now she doesn't bother me so much. I've seen how weak she can be…how weak we all are.

Do you remember our trip through the sewers? I'm still not fond of it. Every night, when I go out to hunt, I dread climbing up out of that old grate. It's even worse crawling back into it again…crawling into the dark. I always feel like I'm falling through the earth and that no one will catch me.

I've learned to catch myself though. And land on my feet.

Did I ever think that when I went with you and Alice through the tunnel that I wouldn't emerge alive?

A part of me says I knew. Maybe I have a bit of Alice's foresight after all.

The tunnel, the reception desk, the receiving hall. It's amazing how familiar these places are to me now. Almost as familiar as my old bedroom back in Forks, where you used to climb in through the window to watch me sleep.

But my home is in Volterra now and not with you…

Aro didn't impress me much either when I met him. I could laugh at myself then. I even thought he was a bit strange looking. Alien.

Of course, I feel differently now.

But I remember being enthralled by his voice. It's deadly, really. Seductive. And his skin is so much harder than shale. In fact, I think it is harder than any vampire's, unscarred by tears, by pleas for mercy, by remorse.

I've learned that there is almost nothing that moves him.

He was happy to see me that first time, that I know. So very happy. He even clapped his hands.

"Wonderful!" I can recall that one word. Much of the rest of is a blur, but I know he said it was wonderful to see me.

You were frightened of him, Edward, and so was Alice. I was more in awe. Dizzy with relief for having found you, but enchanted by the ancients.

Marcus. Caius. The wives. Yes, the _wives_.

Did I see Sulpicia in the tower? I must have. I know she saw me. She knew then, she said, she knew then what I would try to do to her.

I've tried to trace the events of that day in my mind. The intricate patterns. The distorted waltz of words and actions. I think the Volturi would have let us go. Aro was more fascinated by our relationship than distressed. And I would have left with you, Edward. I would have gone home to Forks and maybe, someday, you would have changed me.

On our wedding night, as I had long fantasized.

But then Aro touched me.

"I mean her no harm," he told you. "But I am so curious about one thing in particular. May I?"

You should have told him no. And I would have left with you that day and maybe we would have had our happily ever after.

You gave me the choice, however. "Ask her," you said.

Aro did.

And, well, you know how I responded. I gave him my hand, slipped my palm into his papery grasp and closed my eyes. Aro said he could not read my thoughts. He said he felt nothing.

I wish I could say the same.

How can I explain it to you, Edward? I've tried to liken to it every emotion I've ever experienced, but I haven't yet found its equal. The closest I've come to is remembering my old dreams. Not quite a nightmare, not fully a reverie, but something, _something_.

And that something changed my life.

I remember thinking I couldn't go back. I didn't want to. I was being promised something and it was mine, mine for the taking. It confuses me even now. Infuriates me. Was my need primal? A gut reaction to something I had always desired? Or was it written in the stars?

Ugh, that sounds so melodramatic. Written in the stars. I doubt it. Let's just say that it was written in my blood.

When Aro tried to let my hand go, I wouldn't let him.

"Please," I said, "please."

His eyes widened slightly, making him look charmed. He has not gazed at me like that since. No. I've only seen him stare at Sulpicia that way.

"Please." I wasn't sure what I was begging for until it left my lips. "Change me."

You screamed then. But Alice stood mute, her fingertips to her mouth.

Maybe she knew what was coming after all. Like Cassandra. She foresaw the fall of Troy all for Helen's love.

Am I like Helen? Running after Paris, forsaking her true mate for lust. You probably think so…if you don't think worse for me.

My choice was unfair to you. I know that now. My blood sang for you and you alone. I should have gifted it to you at last. But Edward, I thought I was doing the right thing. I was ending your suffering and giving myself to you as you deserved.

And yet, I think there was a touch of cruelty to my actions as well. You had left me. I survived your absence…just barely. Perhaps I wanted you to feel the acute pain for once. Experience the helplessness. The weakness.

Do you understand now how I felt?

I think so. I can still hear your screams when Aro took me from you.

"Bella, no!" Your arm was on mine, pulling me away from him. As if you could stop them.

That's when Felix stepped in.

What happened then, Edward? I saw the look of hurt in your face even as you struggled against the guards. I drove you mad that day, especially, when as a last resort, you offered to change me yourself.

"No," I replied. "Not you."

I'm sorry.

They wouldn't let you come with me into the antechamber, that tight, smothering room where blood is spilt only to be restored with venom. Only the three of them were allowed. Marcus. Caius. Aro…

I'm glad you missed it, Edward. I wasn't easy to change. Aro often jokes about it. Sure, I submitted easily enough. I even unbuttoned my shirt so he wouldn't spill blood on it.

Aro was very gentle about it, but he never gave me time to change my mind. Quickly, oh so quickly he pressed his lips to my breast.

It didn't hurt at first, even when he drained some of my blood to make way for his venom. I remember enjoying it. Yes, Edward, I enjoyed it. And a little wicked voice inside me said that you would have never made me feel so wonderful.

The pain started soon afterwards. I seized up. I screamed. I flailed around on the slick stone floor. Aro says I nearly took Caius's eyes out. I wanted to tear my skin off if only to get to my veins, to stop the flow of the venom.

It was worse than when James bit me. I've often wondered since then if the venom of an ancient is more potent than any other vampire's.

I guess I'll never know.

Aro had sent his venom straight to my heart, but still, it took time. I don't know when they moved me from the antechamber and put me in the bedroom.

I was only delirious once in my human life. I was eight and had the flu. My fever went up to 105 and Renee took me to the hospital where they packed my body with ice. She says I rambled incoherently about a school bus and a cemetery. I don't remember what I said, just as I don't remember what raved about in that bedroom.

The silk sheets rubbed my skin raw until I threw them off. Modesty was abandoned. I tore my clothes. I bit and scratched myself.

It took fifteen hours for my heart stop.

You weren't there when I awoke, but Heidi was.

She smiled at me when I stirred, her perfect lips opening slightly to reveal a row of perfect teeth.

Butcher's teeth.

"Hungry?" she asked.

Heidi brought me something to eat. It was blood. In a chalice. Compliments of Master Aro and Mistress Sulpicia.

"But why can't I hunt?" I asked her.

Heidi continued to smile at me as I snatched the goblet from her, frenzy dominating reason. "We have strict rules regarding newborns," she said. "Usually, they tend to make a mess out of their first meal and the Masters won't permit such a display within the city walls. Once you have been well-fed the Guard will take you out."

I didn't trouble myself then with irksome details such as where the blood came from. It was human blood, of course and I didn't have the strength to refuse it. I don't think I ever will.

Poor Carlisle must be so disappointed in me.

My hunger, which was new and sharp, abated quickly, leaving me surprisingly clear-headed. Only then did I realize I was nude. Heidi brought me a long, loose dress to wear.

There were no mirrors in the room and for that I was glad. I didn't want to see my reflection just yet.

After I finished dressing I asked to see you. Heidi seemed to hesitate, a delicate pout making her look impish.

"Is Edward all right?" I asked breathlessly. "Can I see him?"

"He's fine," she replied rather flippantly. "I'll have to ask the Masters for permission, though. Your Cullen friends have been _detained_."

It was then that I felt the first stirrings of remorse. Aro must have been feeling lenient that night. Or perhaps he was too was celebrating my decision to join the Volturi. Either way, he allowed you to come to me.

I'm glad you did.

It was painful, yes, very, very painful. I don't have to tell you that, Edward. You wouldn't look at me for the longest time. I remember sitting on the edge of the bed, studying the tapestries on the wall just to avoid your face.

We didn't speak for a long time.

Then finally, you asked the most obvious question.

"Why, Bella?"

I wanted to laugh then, for some insane reason. There I sat, changed, yours for the taking and you wouldn't even look at me.

"I don't know," I replied, feeling suddenly self-conscious when I noticed how pale my skin was. "I think I had to."

"You _think_?"

"Edward, please." I wasn't sure how to respond to you. "I..I felt something in him."

"Aro."

"No…well, yes. I wanted him to change me for you."

"For me?" I had never seen you so angry before. "This wasn't for me, Bella and you know it."

You were telling the truth. I was lying. I wasn't used to lying to you, but now it seemed necessary.

"This had to happen," I said. "Do you know what Alice said when we were flying to Italy? She said she thought of changing me herself, but she didn't know if she had the control. Would you have hated her for that?"

I noticed you staring at the goblet Heidi had left behind. You were hungry too. I could sense that now, sense it more easily than I ever had before.

And yet it wasn't your venom in my veins. It was _his_.

"Alice is different," you said.

"But would you have been mad at her?"

"Bella." Your frustration came out as a growl. "I don't think you understand…what you've done."

"What _I've_ done?" I stood then, testing my newborn legs. As far as I could tell, they were the same as my old ones.

You knew what I was thinking. "Just wait," you said. "Wait until the hunger starts. They won't always be feeding you from golden chalices." And in saying so, you picked up the goblet and dashed it against the wall.

"Edward." I wanted to touch you, just, as I suppose, you wanted to touch me. "Please, don't hate me for this. I need you now. We…we can be together."

You caught the blush rising to my cheeks. The lust. What we wanted, what we had always wanted was within our grasp…in that very moment, Edward.

Now we'll never have it.

For the first time, you looked disgusted. Disgusted with me. I'll never forget your expression. The slight curling of your lips, the grimace. And your eyes…black.

"No, Bella," you said, passing within an inch of me, but not reaching out to caress my granite flesh. "I can't."


	3. Chapter Two

**Author's Note: **Here we are, chapter two. It's a bit talky, although I do promise chapter three with be filled with action (and romance!). I would like to thank everyone who took the time to read/review/favorite so far. Thanks a million! Feedback is truly invaluable to a fanfic author.

If you have a spare moment, please leave a review for this chapter. I would greatly appreciate any/all comments. I hope you have a great weekend!

**Disclaimer: **I claim no ownership of Stephanie Meyer's work.

**Chapter Two**

_The following has been taken from the personal journal of Isabella Swan. Although the entry is not dated, the events detailed are generally believed to have taken place between Monday March 20__th__, 2006 and April 1st._

I wasn't introduced to Sulpicia properly until two days later. It's amazing how trivial it seemed at the time. Insignificant, really. I had too much on my mind when I first crossed paths with her to think that anything of consequence would come out of it. You wouldn't talk to me, Edward. And you wouldn't see me either. When Alice was permitted to visit me, she told me that you were hunting.

She was lying, of course. Trying to protect me from the truth. Aro later told me you had spoken with him, trying to understand what had driven me to accept the change.

Did he tell you what you wanted to hear? I doubt it. If anything, Aro probably gloated over the fact. He really has an awful sense of pride.

But I feel like I'm rubbing salt into wounds that should have healed. It doesn't matter now that you rejected me and I, in turn, scorned you. What you need to know has to do with Sulpicia and how I tried to destroy her.

My first two days as a vampire were boring, to be honest. I was being politely imprisoned in the same bedroom, with Heidi bringing me my meals in the same gold (albeit now slightly dented) chalice.

Alice came to see me every afternoon and tried to talk me through things. Noticing my obvious lack of newborn bloodlust, she bitterly deduced that I was being well-fed.

I tended to disagree.

Every moment of my existence was plagued with a gnawing hunger. It started in my stomach, working its way straight up into my core where the ache transformed into a fierce burn.

I wanted to go hunting, I told her. She said Aro, Marcus and Caius wanted to keep me in the castle for now. Word had gotten back to Carlisle and the rest of the Cullens and Aro was currently engaged in diplomatic talks with them regarding my condition.

I began to feel like a prisoner.

When I wasn't being completely selfish, I urged Alice to return to Forks. She refused, of course, and said that she wasn't going anywhere without me.

I suppose she hadn't foreseen my future, Edward or else she wouldn't have made such a promise.

Either way, the days passed, leaving me in a sort of uncomfortable limbo. When I was alone, I thought of you. Somehow, the pain of our separation had grown more acute than it had been when you left me alone in Forks. I was angry with you now, experiencing the all too direct pangs of rejection. And I began to wonder if you had really ever loved me at all.

You see now how my hatred fed on distrust, how it grew and evolved in that tiny bedchamber.

You see why I chose the cold comfort of the Volturi over you.

On Thursday, Demetri accompanied Heidi to my room and announced that Aro wanted me to see.

_Finally._

I remember being relieved and eager. Not frightened. Strangely, I was never frightened during that time, though I certainly had cause to be afraid.

I wanted to know what was to become of me and if I would have any hand in choosing my fate. Something told me that the Volturi were anxious for me to stay in Italy. I myself had not made up my mind.

Probably the most sensible course of action would be for me to return to Forks. There, I could weather my days as a newborn under Carlisle's tutelage and hopefully patch up my relationship with you, Edward.

Now I realize that's what I should have done. But Aro…he was much too persuasive and, I, yes, I was much too naïve.

Do you think I was always so thirsty for the power he promised me? The prestige of belonging to the most deadly coven in the world?

Maybe. I'd like to think that my choice was a gut reaction, a spur of the moment decision fueled by my hurt from your abandonment.

But then again, I could just be fooling myself.

After I had fed, Demetri led me out of the bedroom and into the heart of the castle. It was the first time I had a good view of the place. Upon first glance, it was foreboding. A titan fortress of antiquity and decadence. The halls were long and drafty. The walls were thick…thick enough to disguise screams and shrieks.

It was like a mausoleum, really. A home for the dead.

I was led to Aro's personal apartments and shown into his study. I heard once that the eyes are the window to the soul. Well, I honestly think I could learn just as much by peeking into a man's private chamber

I remember Carlisle's study back in Forks. His paintings. His books. His stately furniture. Each article taught me so much about the man, more than he could have ever told me with words.

Perhaps it has something to do with our natural instinct towards territory. And perhaps that's why trespassers are never welcome. Sulpicia taught me that.

Aro's study was nearly as enlightening as it was opulent. He's not a discreet man and his taste runs opposite of yours, Edward.

He was never one for simplicity.

Stepping into that room was like falling down the rabbit hole. I'd never thought of myself as Alice until then, but I truly was like her. Alice in Wonderland, lost amongst "hookah-smoking caterpillars" and talking chessmen, as Jefferson Airplane might say.

Aro is a collector. And he has collected many fine things. Rugs from the Orient. Tapestries from France. A map that he claims belonged to Magellan.

There are also hints of his human life…scrolls from Athens tucked discreetly next to his volume of Johnson's Dictionary.

And, of course, there are the obligatory paintings. The one that caught my eye that particular night was of Sulpicia, Athenodora and Didyme. They were posed as the Three Graces over a Roman fountain.

I wondered how Aro could bear to look at his sister after…

But there are many things I don't know about him.

When Demetri showed me into the study, Aro was sitting with Marcus at a massive dark wood table with clawed feet. They were playing backgammon.

"Ah, darling Bella!" The Master of Volterra was on his feet at once. His took my hand in his, kissed it and lightly touched my knuckles.

And for some reason, I thought of you, Edward. I felt as though I were betraying you, standing there with charming Aro.

Couldn't you have stayed with me?

Marcus didn't pay much attention to me. He never did. Aro, however, was gushing over my transformation.

"Immortality suits you, Bella," he said. I thought he was sighing, but I soon realized that was only his peculiar way of speaking. "What a lovely newborn you make. Your Edward must be so pleased."

I shuffled my feet on the forest green carpet. "I'm not exactly sure about that."

Aro's face darkened for an instant, then he smiled. His eyes were an intense red, I noticed and I wondered if my irises were the same color.

I had been drinking human blood, after all.

"The epitome of self-control he is," Aro continued. "Even now, Edward denies himself this one joy."

I looked away quickly, embarrassed by what he was suggesting.

Aro laughed high and loud. "We have much to discuss, my sweetling. Please, join us."

Was there are double meaning in his invitation? I tried to brush it aside.

Aro graciously led me to a chair in-between him and Marcus and told me to sit. Demetri was dismissed.

"I must admit," Aro said, coyly playing with the dice as Marcus looked on, "you surprised us all. But I'm so glad you decided to embrace the change."

I swallowed nervously, feeling his eyes on me. "It was, umm, sort of unexpected for me too."

What an understatement! I hoped that Aro wouldn't ask me to explain why I had begged him to change me, for I had absolutely no answer for him.

Fortunately, he wasn't very curious about my motives.

I fiddled with the fabric of my dress. The situation was unmercifully awkward. Here I was, a newborn vampire sitting between two ancients with nothing to say. I began to feel muddle-headed again. Drunk with confusion.

"I suppose I should be getting back to Forks," I said slowly, testing the waters to see what Aro's response would be.

He was quick to reply. "You have plans to join the Cullens then?" With a flick of his wrist, he sent the dice careening across the board.

"Yeah," I gulped. The scent of cologne reached my nostrils. Aro was wearing it and though I struggled to identify it, I came up empty.

Whatever it was, it smelled expensive.

Marcus took his turn.

"You seem hesitant," Aro noted. His eyes never left the gaming board.

"Uh." I stared at his profile. He had clean, aristocratic features. I wondered just how old he actually was. "I guess I am."

There was silence for a moment. Aro folded a genteel hand under his chin. His movements were exceptionally graceful. I wondered if now, as a vampire, I would lose my own clumsiness.

Why had I been drawn to him the other day? Was it his age? His power?

I settled for both, failing to wrap my bewildered mind around my warring emotions.

I was worried about you, I reasoned. Things were an absolute mess right now. Oddly enough, Aro provided me with a focal point of stability. Of control.

And I really was in need of advice.

"I want you to know, Bella," he said, taking my hand once more like a cherished friend, "that there are other options."

His skin no longer felt like shale against mine. It was smooth…

A sudden bark of laughter startled me. Aro dropped my hand and turned to glanced over his shoulder. Even Marcus looked up.

Sulpicia stepped out of the shadows with the mien of a statue coming to life. I hadn't noticed her standing there and my muscles tensed.

She'd caught me completely off guard.

Aro promptly rose to his feet and bowed before his mate. She spoke to him briefly in a language I didn't recognize, then laid her hand on his shoulder.

Aro smiled. "You must forgive my wife, Bella," he said jovially. "She has an _awful_ habit of stalking."

Sulpicia raised a brow as she rounded the table. I took a careful step back to give her room, but instead, she reached forward and seized my chin with her thumb and forefinger.

Her grip was vice-like, testing the strength of my new immortal flesh. Had I still been human, her fingers would have left the most ugly bruise.

"Poor young Edward," she said. Her voice reminded me vaguely of the tones of a baroque aria. I wasn't sure if she was speaking to me or the room at large. "Bella has broken his heart."

My dislike was immediate. Instinctual. Now I realize that Sulpicia was only being honest. She knew me better than I knew myself.

I began to squirm slightly and she released her hold on my jaw.

"She will be deadly," I heard her tell Aro.

Marcus snorted suddenly, raising one ghostly hand to touch his brow. "Deadly indeed. Sulpicia always had an eye for that particular talent."

"Thank you, Marcus." Sulpicia appeared pleased by his comment. She paced back to her husband's side and from a distance, I was able to take her measure.

At first, I could only compare her to Alice and Esme, two female vampires I held in the highest regard. Physically, Sulpicia was a combination of them both. She was short like Alice, with a body that was rounded like Esme's as opposed to lithe. Her hair, which fell to the middle of her back, was reddish and she had the same disturbingly crimson eyes.

Her personality was a mystery to me then and over the next few months, I would struggle to dissect it. One thing was clear to me from the start, however, and that was her passion for Aro.

Had I not been struggling with my own emotions, I would have enjoyed watching them interact, observing the graceful ebb and flow of their relationship. It was intricate, enigmatic and fascinating.

And during my time in Volterra, I did everything in my power to destroy it.

I know you think I'm stupid, Edward. I guess I was.

"As you can see, Bella," Aro said cheerfully, picking up the thread of our conversation where we had left off, "we would love to have you join our family. You need not make your decision now. There is time. Perhaps you might like to stay with us a while? I'm sure our friend Carlisle can vouch for us as able hosts."

"Thanks." I rolled my shoulders awkwardly.

The three ancients were watching me, Sulpicia in particular keeping her gaze firmly pinned upon my expression.

I struggled to appear nonchalant despite my obvious intimidation.

"I have to talk it over with Edward," I replied.

"We understand." Aro showed me to the door of his study. I felt the pressure of his hand upon the middle of my back and inexplicably, my stomach lurched.

"Take your time," Sulpicia muttered dryly as Demetri met me in the corridor.

I was almost certain she was mocking me.

* * *

You know what happened next, Edward. I made you leave. I made you and Alice leave Volterra without me. You said you'd never forgive me for it, but I know you will. If not, I remain firm in my conviction that it was for the best. Believe me, it was for the best.

You finally came to see me the next morning. Alice was with you. We all sat on my bed and I thought the silence alone would break us.

After many minutes had passed, you spoke to me.

"Aro tells me he has invited you to the join the Volturi." There was something dead about your voice.

It frightened me.

"Is this true, Bella?" Alice asked. She was sitting closest to me, holding my hand.

"Yeah," I said slowly. For some reason, I was hesitating. "He also said I could stay here for a while if I wanted."

You scoffed.

"Edward!" Alice looked concerned.

"What did you say to him, Bella?" you asked. I could tell how upset you were, how pained. I wanted to touch you then, embrace you and pretend, for a moment, that things weren't changing between us.

But they were.

"I didn't give Aro a definite answer," I said. I felt Alice's hand tighten around mine.

Your confusion was heartbreaking. "Why? Don't you know what you want? Isn't it obvious?"

I stood then, brushing aside poor Alice in favor of anger. "It never was!"

"Bella." For the first time, I wished you wouldn't say my name. "You can't stay here."

But I did.

Remember how we argued? It was horrible…I can't stand to write about it. Alice begged us to stop and tried so very hard to restore peace between us. I wish she could have.

Why were we so angry with each other? Was it you, Edward? Had you suffered too much betrayal? Or was it me? Was I already being driven mad by bloodlust? Or something else?

Or maybe it was Aro.

But then we were powerless.

You left Volterra without saying goodbye. Alice stayed the longest, but finally, her need for Jasper forced her to return to America.

It wasn't the last we would see of each other though. You came back for me three weeks later.

If only I had listened to you then…


	4. Chapter Three

**Disclaimer: **I claim no ownership of Stephenie Meyer's work.

**Chapter Three**

_The following has been taken from the personal journal of Isabella Swan. Although the entry is not dated, the events detailed are generally believed to have taken place around April 7__th__, 2006. _

I can feel the fire now. Crimson on marble. I am ash. And I belong to the wind…

You will remember this, Edward, when I am gone. When I am missing. They took your Bella and burned her and scattered her ashes across the Tiber so that she couldn't piece herself back together again.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. And all the king's horses and all the king's men…

Aro is the king, Edward. And Sulpicia is his queen. Remember that too.

It's a hard lesson to learn. I never fully grasped it myself. I see now how naïve I was. How innocent to the ways of your world. I thought I understood vampires, after all, hadn't I reached the deepest level of connection with you? Hadn't I taken your soul into mine, nurtured it, let it bloom until it festered.

I abandoned you, Edward, only because I had to. _I had to._

After you and Alice left Volterra, I was alone. But that's how I wanted things. There is something precious about solitude and I did not miss you.

Do you think I'm horrible?

Up until then, it hadn't occurred to me what Aro meant when he offered to let me stay. I didn't understand that he wished to make me powerless. I realize now that I had always taken my freedom for granted. Even simple things, like going to the movies with Angela or riding bikes with Jacob…I didn't know how lucky I was.

Because they took me, Edward. They took me and changed me and made me a killer.

It was three days after you left when I murdered my first victim.

Heidi came to my room just as dusk was falling. She didn't bring me my usual goblet of blood, only a change of clothes. Her eyes were black.

"Get dressed," she ordered, her voice a succulent whisper.

I took the grey slacks and the button-down shirt from her. "What's going on?"

She wouldn't tell me. Heidi is tricky that way. She operates on the element of surprise. And you know how I hate surprises.

I dressed in silence, conscious that she was watching me. I hadn't yet seen my reflection after the change and I still considered myself a plain Jane.

_What does she think of me? _I wondered.

I don't know why I cared.

After I had dressed, I stood in the middle of the room, feeling useless. Ridiculous, really.

Heidi smiled coyly at me, then moved aside to let Felix and Demetri in through the door.

They blindfolded me.

My sharp gasp was enough to give away my surprise.

Felix laughed, his voice surprisingly warm. "Don't worry," he rumbled. "This will be fun." He put his hand on my shoulder and steered me towards the door.

"Does Aro know about this?" I breathed as we moved through the hall. Somehow, my new vampire senses were strong enough to lead me down the spiral tower stairs without tripping.

"Don't worry about Master Aro," Heidi purred. Her breath was cold against my face.

_This must be some sort of hazing_, I decided, remembering the stories Renee had told me about her sorority days.

College girls were bad enough, but what would a couple of ancient vampires have in store for me?

I tensed as we came to the bottom of the stairs.

"Relax, Bella," Felix said. He still had his hand on my shoulder.

A door was opened and then I was outside. Moonbeams pressed against my blindfold. There was a strange tinkling sound like chimes, but muted.

Car keys?

"Get her in," Demetri commanded.

I balked, sensing myself at the edge, on the precipice of a depthless pit.

Where were the leading me?

Felix laughed, shoving me forward into a tight, confined space. Heidi was on the other side, pulling me through.

"Trust us," the hulking guard said. I was surprised to find genuine affection in his voice.

He meant me no harm.

Heidi grabbed my arms. "Stay still!"

A door slammed closed behind me. A car door. Slowly, I began to relax.

"I suppose it's no use in me asking where we're going again," I said dryly, leaning back against the leather seat.

The engine roared to life. Wheels crunched over gravel.

"She's a Cullen all right," Demetri muttered from somewhere up front. I guessed that he was driving. "So very holier-than-thou."

Heidi hummed in argument.

I fell silent. They saw me as a Cullen?

For the first time, I reconsidered my desire to be known as a Cullen. Wouldn't it be so much better to be associated with the Volturi?

The thought was fleeting, but insistent. I was second-guessing myself. And I was questioning my feelings for you, Edward.

Oh, it all happened so quickly.

We drove for about an hour. I had trouble keeping track of time, but tried to keep myself distracted by naming the fifty states and their capitals. The silence in the car was awful. Felix only spoke up to give Demetri directions and Heidi did not open her mouth once.

I began to feel claustrophobic. Shut in. However, just when I started to squirm about uncomfortably, the car rolled to a stop and Demetri killed the engine.

"We're late," Felix groaned.

"There's no accounting for traffic," Demetri replied tersely.

The doors clicked open and once more, I was pulled out into the fresh air. My legs were cramped and I stumbled over the rutted ground.

Felix pulled my upright against his muscular torso. "Trust your instincts," he told me. "You'll need them tonight."

"That might be difficult," I said, trying for humor.

Felix, however, did not respond.

Feathery fingers touched my face. Ghosted down my cheeks and across my lips. My nostrils dilated as his scent reached me.

_Aro._

The blindfold fell away and there he was, a pale, slender god, his face framed by the hood of an ebony cloak.

Without thinking, I reached out and pressed my hands to his chest. "Master," I said, my breath spilling out of my in a torrent of smoky vapors.

Aro smiled. "Good evening, dear Bella. We are so glad you could join us."

And then I realized we were not alone. Sulpicia was standing beside her husband, tendrils of her auburn hair slithering down her shoulders. Her face was a white crescent beneath her hood.

She laughed shrilly and at once, I dropped my hands from Aro's chest. "Welcome, Bella," she said, her voice rolling over me in fluting waves.

Caius and Athenodora were nearby, along with Marcus who stood unaccompanied and mateless. Behind them, I spied the members of the guard. Doe-eyed Renata. Jane and Alec, their hands entwined.

Tall cypress trees rippled in a fitful breeze. I turned around slightly and tried to make out exactly where I was. Somewhere in the countryside. Beyond the close thicket, my keen eyes picked out a newly ploughed field, fresh and fertile. It only needed to be sown with seeds now, before the farmer could revel in his harvest…

I realized then what was happening. This was my initiation, a ritual that would forever seal my place in the Volturi coven.

And as I glanced about the clearing, counting the number of guards, wraith-like in their grey cloaks, I knew I didn't have a choice.

This was expected of me. Unlike you, Edward, I couldn't turn down Aro's offer. My newborn body was a gift…on loan and if I didn't prove myself worthy of it, I would soon become ash.

But I wasn't frightened.

This was my destiny, yes? This was what I had waited for.

But somehow, I had always imagined you with me…

Aro was restless with delight. He had high hopes for me and had made it clear that I could easily gain his favor.

"It's been so long since we've had a proper hunt," he said, throwing an arm lightly across my shoulders.

My muscles coiled when he drew me close to him and I felt the sinewy firmness of his body beneath his cloak. I pressed myself to him, allowing him to experience the contours of my own body. Even now, I cannot explain why I felt such express loyalty for him. Perhaps Chelsea had already gone to work by then, using her gifts to bind me to Aro and the rest of the Volturi.

Still, I don't think even she could have made me fall in love with him. And I did, Edward. How could I not?

But Sulpicia…she was always there. Always by his shoulder. Always darkening his shadow. And that night, I believe she watched me. Watched me closely.

Remember, Edward, how dangerous she is.

"Indeed," she quipped, nodding at her husband, her eyes sharp. "The humans may have their St. Marcus Day, their little peasant revelries, but I daresay we are entitled to the same." She paused, her tongue lingering along her lips and then threw back her hood, revealing the whole of her keen face. "Think of it as a Midsummer's Night Dream, Bella. Shakespeare. A grand masquerade in a moonlit forest."

Sulpicia was playing coy, but her wit was edged with sarcasm. She was a skeptical woman, harder, I think, than her husband. Less sentimental.

Aro, however, always seemed to agree with her.

"This night is yours," he told me.

I heard Caius exhale sharply from behind him.

"Make the best out of it," the flaxen-haired ancient growled. "We will be watching."

"Peace, brother," Marcus spoke-up suddenly, shaking away some of his perpetual weariness. "Give our newborn time and I am certain she will not disappoint."

His confidence bolstered my own.

Gently, Aro guided me to the edge of the clearing. "I have a gift for you," he said, "but it is yours to find…if you can."

"If she can," Sulpicia echoed.

The dubious tone of her voice was enough to anger me. A sudden flood of rage swept through my veins, still swollen as they were with Aro's venom and my human blood.

You see then, how the groundwork was laid for our rivalry. Our hate.

I wanted to rebuff her then, to curse her and tell her just how wrong she was. But my newborn instinct was stronger.

My head snapped to the right, distracted by a thin, wailing sound that issued from the far-side of the cypress thicket. The steady hum of a car engine provoked my senses and, without warning, my mouth began to water.

Aro placed his hand on my shoulder. "She senses them already," he said to the gathering at large, and then to me, "Do you hunger, Bella?"

The answer rose to my lips as a prayer for release. "Yes."

Sulpicia laughed again.

Aro leaned close to me, his phantom flesh brushing against my cheek. My thighs slackened.

"Hunt for them," he said. "Find them."

His command struck a deeper truth in my soul. Hunt, yes, I needed to hunt. The instinct was sharp and relentless, bringing with it a dark pain that made me whimper.

Another thin wail, louder than the first, ruptured the night air like a tolling bell. My back arched and I lifted my head, letting my hood fall away.

The thicket was alive with smells. Carefully, I sorted through each, the sleek perfume of my fellow vampires, the musty, rich odor of the tilled earth…and the ardent scent of blood.

_Human blood_.

I opened my mouth, my sharp teeth cutting my tender lips. My whole body spasmed and I wondered, vaguely, if such passionate tension preceeded the act of love.

An act which I had never experienced.

Picking my way through the thicket, I passed through the sentinel cypress trees and emerged on a dirt road, the dust bleached bone-white by the watchful moon. The source of the siren call became obvious as I spied a small car tucked discreetly in the shadow of an overreaching oak.

The engine grumbled intemperately, exhaust streaking from the pipe by the rear bumper. The windows were obscured by a thick layer of mist. I spotted the silhouette of figure hunched in the front seat.

Aro floated up behind me. "Go ahead, my dear," he said, his voice husky with encouragement.

I took a step forward…then hesitated.

Squinting, I could see through the passenger window. A nude woman, her skin slick with perspiration, sat astride her young lover. With a strangled cry, she rotated her hips against his, creating a delightful sucking sound of sticky flesh that made my hair stand on end. Her black hair veiled her breasts and I watched with undeniable fascination as the man sat up to suckle her.

And I thought of you, Edward. Of us. Would we have been so beautiful?

But then Aro touched my shoulder. "Take them," he insisted. "They are yours, Bella. _Yours_."

And I couldn't control myself. My hand lashed out and burst through the window in a shower of glittering glass. The woman screamed as I grabbed her mate, my fingers closing on his throat as I dragged him out from under her into the moonlight.

He gurgled feebly, his body gleaming under my gaze. I ran a finger lovingly down his muscled torso, pausing by the apex of his ribs.

His heart beat strongly. Wildly.

My teeth clamped over his neck.

Blood rushed into my mouth with a roar and I was seized with a madness that demanded I drink. Digging my teeth deeper, I tore his jugular to shreds and lapped up the scalding crimson, rejoicing as it spilled down my throat and into my gullet.

Behind me, there was polite applause.

"Brava!" Aro cried with delight. "Brava, my beautiful Bella!"

I had nearly drained my victim when Sulpicia shot past me. Effortlessly, she lifted the screaming woman from the car and held her like a rag doll before her.

Aro glided up to his wife with a smile and at the same time, they both sunk their teeth into the woman.

She shrieked, then fell silent, her legs jerking as she died.

I recoiled, sitting back on my knees as I watched the ancients feast. Marcus crawled towards me and began to lap up the blood I spilled.

And then the rest of the Volturi were in a frenzy, tearing at the bodies, licking the last few droplets of blood with their long, curling tongues. When they were finished, only chunks of pale useless flesh remained, scattered about the ground in abandon.

I stood to the side, shivering.

I had killed, Edward. Killed a human.

And I wanted more.

Aro reached for me then, snatched my up and embraced me with undaunted ferocity. "Well done," he breathed into my ear. Our bodies were pressed together and for the first time, I felt my desire for him bloom.

But then he drew away and Sulpicia cackled.

* * *

Later, when I was back in the tower, she approached me. We were standing before the fire in an antechamber off the atrium. Aro was talking merrily with his brothers. Felix was standing by Jane and Demetri, laughing.

I don't think any of them noticed when Sulpicia wrapped her arms around my neck.

I wanted to struggle, but was at once made aware of just how weak I was compared to her ageless strength.

She held me close, rocking me slightly as though I were a child.

"You are one of us now," she said, her hands tightening around my neck, threatening my raw, newborn body. "Welcome to Volterra."

And for the first time, Edward, I was frightened.


End file.
